Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
