What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
