I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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