My room smells like vodka and shame
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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