I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
