I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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