so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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