Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
