Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
