I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
