I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize