I wish I could teleport
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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