hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
