We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
