Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Two words: blizzard sex
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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