I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
