4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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