Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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