Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize