Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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