I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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