Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize