the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
