Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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