i would punch a child for taco bell
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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