I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
