Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
