It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
