yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
