You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
this is an emotional support booty call
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize