6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize