While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
