Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
