he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
should my penis look like a turkey
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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