nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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