there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize