Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
