the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
