3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
