Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
