we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
