some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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