so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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