mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
