8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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