Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
