Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
