They should really pass out barf bags in church
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
