how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
