everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
