I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize