Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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