Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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