I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
