don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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