He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
