Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have fence marks all over my body
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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