Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
