AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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