we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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