who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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