My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why didn't you poke me back
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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