You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
