"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
