Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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