I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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