Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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