my phone needs a breathalizer
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
